When you think of Angels

When you think about angel’s
Where do you look?
Do you think while reading your book
When I think about angels where should I look?


When you think about angels
Do you look in the sky?
Do you ever wonder why
Why did they have to die?
When do you think about angels?

When you think about the dead
What goes through your head?
Do you ever question?
Why did that happen

When you remember back
Do you ever think about the pain they went through?
Or have you ever tried not to?
What happens when you think about angels?

Have you ever just wanted to see your loved one
Just one more time
Have you ever tried to hold on to the last time you saw your loved one?
I have I know what its like to miss that person and then want to see them again

As time goes by all I do is try
I just want to know. What its like to die
Mom I know you can hear me I am trying to be like you
Hey I know I make mistakes I wanna be able to see you again

Mom I know your with God
Hey I wanna know is it warm?
Do you ever think of me
I miss you more that you could imagine

Mom I really miss you
I just wanna see you
I felt your kiss
I am trying to be like you


I wish I could hug you one more time at least
When I think about angels I think about you
When I think about you I feel a heaven sent peace
Mom I hate the way I feel I cant stand to miss you
by Sage Eccles

Poem

I crossed paths with this poem and I feel like this is how Tonia is thinking right now. I love and miss you Tonia. - Kristi

"Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each other, we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the same easy way you always have. Laugh as we always have laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it always was. There is absolute unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of your sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is past. Nothing has been lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before - only better. Infinitely happier. We will be one, together forever."

Sages Poem

Mother I love you,
Mother I do.
Mommy I miss you,
Mommy, where are you?

Mother your an angel,
sent to watch over me.
Mother your an angel,
for all eternity


Now I can't see you,
but you can see me.
I am trying to be
the daughter you want me to be.

Mom when you got to heaven ,
did you taste the milky way.
Were you going there to visit,
Were you going there the stay.
Does God need more angels?
If he does I'm on my way.

Mom, I felt your kiss,
and your sweet gentleness.
Those are somethings,
I'm becoming to miss

But your with God,
and His sweet gentle bliss.
MOMMY I MISS YOU!!!!!!!
by Sageryann Eccles

I wish you enough!

Ryan recently e-mailed me this little story. It seems to really hit close to home when we think of Tonia and how she looked at life. So sit back and enjoy a short read.

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, 'I love you and I wish you enough'.

The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom'.

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'.

Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?'.

She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone'. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. 'When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them'. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Poems to Ma from RileyJohn

THE WAY I CONVEY
This is the only way I can convey the way I feel inside to try and open up the things I sometimes try to hide. I've said it once or maybe twice before I said goodbye. I love you mom I always will nothing can change the way I feel. Not the darkest corner or brightest light can change my mind for all its might. You are the one that I call mom, who in my heart is never gone. This is the only way I can convey the way I feel inside to try and open up the things I sometimes try to hide. My live for you is longer than any ray of sun and stronger than the pounding of the sea. The biggest difference of my love and all of these things is my love will last for all eternity.

THE SILENT SONG
The time has come for us to sing a song that has no words. To listen to a sound that really can't be heard. We can't hear the angels foot steps or the beating of their wings. Yet in our hears we hear the silent song they sing. My mom is here she's singing to me, sinking to you, singing to all that she holds dear letting us know she's always near. We love you mom and we can't wait to meet again at heavens gate. So now I'll raise my head and smile and with a smile I'll say I love you mom I always will, we'll meet again some day.

Tonia's Funeral

If you were unable to make it to Tonia's Funeral Services, let me assure you that it was wonderful. Her children sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and then following RileyJohn recited his poems which I will post in a future post. I have to say I was quite impressed by this young man and the strength he displayed as he brought laughter to the audience. Then following RileyJohn, SageRyann stood to give us some memories. Sage also showed a strength I dare say I would not have. Tonia sure raised her children to be strong individuals. Following Sage, Joni Miller a very dear friend to Tonia stood and spoke. What an amazing lady to remind us to all smile because that is what Tonia would want us to do.Then Tonia's father Charles Townsend spoke some kind comforting words. Then a beautiful Violin Musical of There is a Green Hill Far Away chosen by Tonia performed by Patty Matheson. Then to close the services Ryan Eccles stood and gave the most heart felt beautiful words I have ever heard. Now if there is ever a love story... The one of Ryan and Tonia Eccles is one to be heard and remembered. So much strength and dedication was shown through their years together.After the touching service we followed outside as they gently placed Tonias bright yellow casket on a beautiful red horse driven carriage. Her children rode on the carriage with Tonia for her last ride. Following the beautiful Clydesdales and carriage was Trigger with a saddle filled with a beautiful yellow spray, and led by Ryans sister Wynnlee. Following Trigger was Ryan and Sage riding seperate horses. They rode down memory lane of their sweet home in Hyrum ending in the Hyrum cemetary.The grave was dedicated by John Tallmadge then soon after we filled the blue sky will yellow balloons in rememberance on our sweet beloved sister, friend, wife and mother. To all of you that shared this sacred memory with us, thank you for being there. And to those who could not make it, we felt your prayers. We love you sweet Tonia and will miss you until the day we meet again.

Tonia Eileen Townsend Eccles

Tonia Eileen Townsend Eccles
Hyrum
1970 - 2008
Tonia Eileen Townsend Eccles On March 27, 2008 Tonia Eccles returned to her loving Heavenly Father and Brother Jesus Christ in whom she has trusted thru the many years of battling major health issues which were finished when she had an accident in her beloved Jeep Wrangler and was paralyzed from the neck down including her lungs.

Tonia was born April 2nd 1970 to Charles and Kaye Townsend.

She is survived by both parents, her eternal companion Ryan Eccles, children, Austin, RileyJohn, SageRyann, Brady and Kayonia as well as her sisters and brothers, Cindy and (Glen) Peers, Tammie and (Ted) Crawford, Terry and (Kristi) Townsend, Troy and (Leah) Townsend, Talesha and (Austin) Romans, Tara and (Tomas) Reyes, Grandpa Orson (Hap) Hager along with many other loving relatives.

Preceded in death by Grandma Hager, Grandma and Grandpa Fletcher, and Uncle Kevin Hager.

Tonia and Ryan were married in the Salt Lake Temple on August 7th 1989. They enjoyed the privilege of adopting their five children and taking them thru the temple to be sealed as well. 3 were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple and 2 in the Logan Temple. Along with her family, Tonia had many joys in her life and I will cover the most outstanding ones in celebration of her life. Her joy in the gospel and the work she did in it, our time in Taiwan, her horse Trigger, her favorite yellow Jeep, her flower beds, birds, fishing, camping, track, wrestling, arm wrestling ( high school girls champ and defeater of many men in Taiwan and the US) and she most certainly found joy in serving other people.

In Passing Tonia did not stop this last Joy and gave of herself as she hung on thru 7 to 8 hours of suffering so the hospital could arrange recipients for some of her organs. She helped save 3 people that night. This was how Tonia lived her life and fittingly ended this chapter of it.

We love you and miss you Tonia but we also celebrate your honorable return to your Heavenly Father.

Funeral services will be held at 12:00 PM on Thursday, April 3, 2008 in the Hyrum 11th Ward Chapel, 200 East 600 South in Hyrum. A viewing will be held on Wednesday evening from 6:00 to 8:00 PM at the Allen-Hall Mortuary, 34 East Center Street in Logan, and prior to the services at the church on Thursday from 10:30 to 11:30 AM.

Memory Book

I would like to create a book of memories to give to Ryan. To make this a book he will cherish I would like to invite each of you who have had good memories with Tonia to share these memories or stories on this blog. Also if Tonia has inspired you in one way or another, then please feel free to share these experiences with us as well. Then we will compile them and make a treasured book for Ryan and the kids to have forever. Photos are also welcome you can send those to kristitownsends@gmail.com and I will make sure to get them added to the book. Please remember to include your full name and relationship to Tonia or how you know her. Feel free to make the post or comment as long or as short as you would like.
I will leave this blog up for as long as we need to collect these stories and statements. I was thinking at least a month so there will be nothing forgotten and if we need more time after that I have no problem giving more time. So share all you would like!
Thank you,
Kristi Townsend

Funeral Services

There will be a viewing on Wednesday, April 2, 2008 from 6:00-8:00 in the Allen Hall Mortuary (34 East Center St. Logan, UT). Also another viewing Thursday, April 3rd from 10:30am-12:00pm. in the Hyrum Church at 2nd East 6th South. Funeral services will be held Thursday, April 3, 2008 at 12:00pm in the same church as the viewing prior. Again we would like to thank each of you for your support and love through this time in our lives.

A loving memory

To all of you who are supporting us I give you our sincere thanks. Tonia has been touched as I have read your comments to her. I am sorry and yet happy to say that Tonia has finished her battle with both her pain racked earthly temple and the adversary that was always trying to wear her down. She left in typical Tonia fashion bravely hanging on for an extra 7 to 8 hours so that they could line up organ recipients. From what we were told there are 3 people today who were blessed by Tonia's last physical gift that she could give. She was suffering more then she was letting on in those final hours trying to hide it from those in attendance including her five children. She now enters a new chapter of life with her Heavenly Father and Brother Jesus Christ in whom she has faithfully trusted throughout her long and courageous battle. I believe she has been a hero to many and certainly is one of mine. I will miss her so very much as she is my Elfette and Eternal Companion. With all my Love, Ryan Eccles (Elf)

Thursday Morning

Tonia had a hard night last night. She felt a great peace and joy surround her. Tonia would like everyone to know that she loves them and wishes she could give them a hug and kiss. She is now enjoying her 5th slurpee which she has craved since last Wednesday. We have been reading the comments to her and she greatly appreciates them and loves hearing from each of you. There has been another fund set up for Tonia at Wells Fargo Bank. So you can donate to Tonias family at both Wells Fargo and Zions Bank.

~Happy Birthday Ryan!~

Ryan I just wanted to let you know how greatly loved you are on this birthday. You are such an amazing person with great love and understanding. You are such a great example to so many people of so many things. Thank you for being so great to our sister, and loving her unconditionally. We love you tons and probably won't call because you will be busy answering other call today. But we love you and wanted you to know we are thinking of you. Also if there is anyone out there that feels inclined to leave a message to Ryan or Tonia please feel free to click on the comment button under any blog to leave a message. We will be reading these to Tonia frequently to let her know how greatly loved she is. Love you Ryan and try to have a good day!

Tracheotomy Surgery

They just completed the Tracheotomy surgery and everything went well. They were able to remove the big tube going through her mouth to her lungs. This will enable her to use her lips a little better for us to read. Dad Townsend thought of a wonderful idea that Tonia just loves. He turned on a laser point pen and we attach it to the side of her head on her head band strap and then she moves her head and uses the laser to point to the letters and words she wants to communicate with us. It works out great and she seems to prefer this over us pointing to the letters.

Tuesday Morning Update

The doctors just came in and said they plan to do the Trach surgery here pretty quick. The one down fall to that is they will not be able to do the Respiratory Therapy for 24 hours. Tonia loves this treatment because "it makes me live". She calls Robert the Respiratory Therapist her Hero because the treatment "gives me courage and makes me live". So they will give her one more before they do the surgery, then she will have to wait for some time. They also said that she will have to work really hard and hopefully she will regain some ability to talk. She then told the doctor "I will work hard". And as we all know she will do her best like she does in everything she does.

Monday Night Update

Today the docotors found some fluid surrounding Tonia's lungs. So they inserted a drain to relieve some of the pressure and allow the lung to expand better. They have also agreed to do the Trach in her throat sometime tomorrow. This will allow them to take the tube out of her mouth. Tonia is looking forward to this proceedure. She looks forward to being able to lip words to us without the tube obstructing her lips and to get a good water swab in her mouth. Tonight as Terry and I saw Tonia she was very alert and quick with her mind. She taps the syringe in her mouth with her teeth, as we point to the letters. This way we know which letter she needs to spell out the word she would like us to know. However, by the time Tara made it to the room (not 1 minute later) she was falling asleep. So it sure takes a toll on her to communicate with us.

MRSA Infection

So we have all been worried from the beginning about Tonia catching some kind of infection. When the accident happened she did have a staph infection which can lead to scarier infections. Well as of yesterday she has a MRSA Infection in her lungs. I was just talking to Ryan on the phone and things are just not looking the best for Tonia. My heart truely goes out to you Ryan please let me know if I can do anything. I plan to go set up a donations account today so that anyone that would like to contribute can. To find out a little more about MRSA infection you can check out this site http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mrsa/DS00735

Information about the accident and her condition

On March 18th 2008 Tonia was driving down Main St. in Hyrum alone in her 1992 Jeep Wrangler. When she was faced with a wave of nausea, which has been a very common thing in Tonia's life lately. She tried to pull over to relieve her nausea when she lost control of her jeep which sent her off the road into a concrete curb that sent her out of control into 3rd East, which is a street that intersects Main Street in Hyrum. Then the jeep hit a second curb that blew her tire out and caused her jeep to roll through a fence and into the field on the corner of 3rd East and Main Street. According to an eye witness, the jeep rolled two or three times. There was so much force involved in the accident that it ripped a tire completely off the jeep and blew apart the transfer case.

The ambulance took her to Logan Hospital where they thought everything was going to be okay, until they received the X-Rays back to find she had broken her C3 and C4 vertebras in her neck. At this point she was flown by Life Flight to Intermountain Medical Center Hospital on 53rd South and State Street. The spinal doctor said she suffered from spinal cord damage which resulted in permanent paralysis from the top of her shoulders down. This also includes the inability to control her lungs to breathe and talk. There is a slight chance of improvement to control her breathing. That night they put a black halo on Tonia to help stabilize her neck from any movement to prevent further damage to the spinal cord. Tonia was taken from the emergency room up to a room in the shock and trauma ICU unit on the 5th floor of the hospital. Her family was let in to see her at 2:00a.m.

Wednesday afternoon the doctors took Tonia into surgery to put a filter in her main artery to prevent any life threatening blood clots. That same day, she was given a Priesthood blessing which was administered through her father. She had a surgery scheduled on Thursday to place two metal plates in both sides of her neck to permanently stabilize her neck and protect the spinal cord. However that next morning Tonia's lower right lung lobe had collapsed, so they put off the surgery until after they did a lungoscopy to clean out her lungs and pump that right lung back to where it should be. At 2:30pm on Thursday they wheeled Tonia into the 4 hour spinal surgery. The surgery went well. The doctors were able to take a piece of bone from Tonia's hip and along with other hardware and stabilize her neck and remove the halo. She is currently dependant on a respirator and often needs a lung treatment to clear her lung from the sticky mucus that causes it to collapse. There are plans to give her a tracheotomy sometime soon. She communicates with the aid of an alphabet chart by blinking and mouthing words. Of course the hardest part of this is Tonia is coherent a majority of the time. She understands what is happening to her body and can do nothing about it. Her eyes are filled with complete fright and sorrow mixed together. All of her children were able to visit with her on Saturday. Which seemed to be a good thing for all of them. Ryan our hearts go out to your sweet family and we all have a desire to help some how. For more information about spinal cord injuries you can visit this web-site: wingsforlife.com