1 Year Ago...

Today is the aniversary of Tonia's return home to her Father in Heaven. This has been on my mind and all of yours as well I am sure. I have spent time contemplating what I am and should be feeling at this time. There are many feelings that can and will be felt by each of us and they will be different for each of us. As I have searched I have found myself missing some of the little things that made Tonia my Elfette and sometimes the sound of her voice or things of that nature. But I have not found myself missing her influence in my life as I see it dailly in things the the kids and I do that we learned from Tonia. Some are small like Brady checking dates on food and then making sure to tell Kristi and I if he see's one out of order. Or Kayonia working to keep her calander up and her room in pretty good order. I find myself keeping the food storage under constant watch and Tonia's influence on the family budget and savings has been huge and great for me this year as so much has been happening. If Tonia had not been so good with saving and keeping out of debt it could have been a really rough year but she had done very well with this and she had helped me learn a great deal of it as we worked thru budgeting together over the years. The greatest influence she has had on me is that of how to love people. Tonia loves her children dearly and did all she could with the conditions she was in to be as good a mother as possible. I am trying to improve myself as a father to be the best I can be which I hope to always advance as she did. She also taught me to love my spouse deeply and thru anything that came up they were to be a top priority even above ones self. Tonia had often told me to remarry and even picked out second wives at times. During her last week she had stressed this 3 different times and this is a great example of putting me above herself as she has also been afraid of being forgotten by me and the children once someone else was in the home. While I have been blessed with Kristi coming into our home as a wife and mother Tonia is certainly not forgotten and Kristi has even spoken of feeling her influence at times when she has sought her advice and strength. What I have learned from Tonia will be carried on in my wonderful role as husband and father and I hope that our children often find themselves as parents in the future saying things like thats how mom did it and thanks for teaching me mom. Or even the ever dreaded times of catching ones self saying and doing what our parents did that we thought were so bad at one time. I am not sad at this time of year as I wish to celebrate Tonia's wonderful life and I am also very grateful that she is not here suffering thru that terrible ordeal that her physical body had become. She is at peace and has a better understanding of love now then before which is incredible as loving and Kind as Tonia was while here among us. Let us laugh at the good times and remember the faith shown in the tough times and always remember her undying love. Ryan